Jason Leveille's Blog

I recently had what I would consider to be my first serious brush with burnout. During the years that I have been a web developer, when it became more than a hobby, there have been times when I felt tired. I don't ever remember feeling burnout though. In February, shortly after the birth of my second daughter, I noticed a slip in productivity, as well as a general inability to focus. When I say inability to focus, I really mean an inability to get into a work zone. I met my deadlines, continued to work on my own projects, and kept up with my reading list, however I just felt off. I did my best to push through my sluggishness, however, as it had often done in the past, persistence didn't seem to be getting me over the hurdles.

Feel the Burn ... out

The birth of my daughter came during my last semester in graduate school. "Once school is finished I'll feel better", I kept telling myself. Graduation came and went, and I was flabbergasted as I became less productive. Yes, I was actually flabbergasted. In early June I finally faced the fact that I was feeling burnout.

An Attempt at "Healing"

I had 3 days of leave that I needed to use or lose before June 17th, and I took all 3. For 5 days I avoided anything work related. As I have spent the past 6 years viewing every spare minute as a learning opportunity (filled with podcasts and reading), this proved to be difficult. I did it though and it helped ... though not as much as I had hoped. I crossed items from my honey-do list, bought a pair of running shoes, and even read a work of fiction ("The Green Mile" by Stephen King, which I finished in 4 nights!). When it came time to go back to work, I felt much better. I feel much better, but I still don't feel healed.

Moving Forward

My oldest daughter and I will be taking a road trip through Maine in the coming days. We will be visiting family, as well as spending a few days on the lake. Undoubtedly, throwing rocks and eating Popsicles will be on the agenda. Hanging out with a 3 year old can be exhausting, but it can also be invigorating. I am banking on the latter and crossing my fingers. At the end of August I will also be spending a long weekend with my brothers in Seattle. In both cases, being 100% disconnected will be my only choice, and I am sure it will do wonders. These trips will likely to more to move me forward than my previous time off.

Burnout is Dangerous

I recognize the fact the burnout is dangerous. When there is no distinction between your hobbies and your work, there is only so far you can go before your mind rebels. I need to find the old me I used to know. The guy who enjoyed biking and running and reading good works of fiction. Where the heck did he go? I really have no one to blame but myself. After the births of my children, it became really easy to make excuses for various things. For example, I'm great at not touching my computer when my girls are awake. I have no illusions of being the greatest dad in the world, but I'm present. We play puzzles, go for walks, play ball, and watch Dora and Boots frolic about. However, as soon as they go down for naps or go to bed for the evening, the first thing I think about is getting on my computer to do work related things. My first thought should really be about something else ... like exercise. This is something I'm struggling with. This is something I need to work on. The alternative is burnout, and that proves to be no good for anyone.